This is a new way to gamble. "GAMBLING IN POOL"...
2. You own a lawnmower
3. You stop dreaming of becoming a professional footballer and start
dreaming of having a son who might instead
4. Before throwing the local paper away, you look through the property section
5. You prefer later with Jools Holland to Top of the Pops
6. All of a sudden, Tony Blair is not 46, he's only 46
7. Before going out anywhere, you ask what the parking is like
8. Flicking through Heat magazine makes you too tired to go out
9. Rather than throw a knackered pair of trainers out, you keep them
because they'll be all right for the garden
10. You buy your first ever T-shirt without anything written on it
11. Instead of laughing at the innovations catalogue that falls out of
the newspaper, you suddenly see both the benefit and money saving
properties of a plastic winter cover for your garden bench and an
electronic mole repellent for the lawn. Not to mention the plastic man
for the car to deter would be thieves.
12. You start to worry about your parents health.
14. Sure, you have more disposable income, but everything you want to buy costs between £200 and £500
15. You don't get funny looks when you buy a Disney video or a Wallace and Gromit bubble bath, as the sales assistant assumes they are for your child
16. Pop music all starts to sound a bit crap
17. You opt for Pizza Express over Pizza Hut because they don't have
any pictures on the menus and anyway, they do a really nice half-bottle
of house white
18. You become powerless to resist the lure of self-assembly furniture
19. You always have enough milk in
20. To compensate for the fact that you have little desire to go
clubbing, you instead frequent really loud tapas restaurants and
franchise pubs with wacky names in the mistaken belief that you have not turned into your parents
21. While flicking through the TV channels, you happen upon C4's Time team with Tony Robinson. You get drawn in.
22. The benefits of a pension scheme become clear.
23. You go out of your way to pick up a colour chart from B&Q
24. You wish you had a shed
25. You have a shed
26. You actually find yourself saying "They don't make 'em like that
anymore" and "I remember when there were only 3 TV channels" and "Of course, in my day"
27. Radio 2 play more songs you know than Radio 1 - and Jimmy young has some really interesting guests on, you know
28. Instead of tutting at old people who take ages to get off the bus,
you tut at school children whose diction is poor
29. When sitting outside a pub you become envious of their hanging
30. You make an effort to be in and out of the curry house by 11
Aardman Animations and DreamWorks have announced an amicable end to their business association.
Despite the Oscar and general popularity of Curse of The Were-Rabbit it just didn't make enough money to break even. At the time, forecasts from DreamWorks guessed that Flushed Away was also going to cost them dearly.
And so it did. Costing over Â£70M to make but only drawing about Â£25M from the box office is not anyone's idea of good business practice. It certainly does not go down well in Hollywood.
Have you done the maths? That's only three of the original four film deal. Crood Awakening has been co-written by John Cleese has a release date for 2008. Whether either side will still risk the potential losses of releasing it, is unknown and a wrangle over the rights of the production could keep the project in development hell for decades.
Aardman and DreamWorks have both voiced their calm resignation over the split. Aardman spokesperson, Arthur Sheriff, said, "We always knew America would be a hard task for us â€¦ our strength is our English sense of humour and we want to continue with that."
And long may they do so, no matter what Hollywood thinks.
Comedy and celebrity, sometimes, don't work well together. As soon as a comedian gets on the TV then that's his/her act used up; the set is old jokes. Before TV and a comedian could get one set to last over a year doing isolated stand-up gigs. That's why many comedians' longevity has been scuppered after they got 'famous'.
It is an even bigger problem for those candid comedians whose material comes from undercover work: Dennis Pennis, Brass Eye and Trigger Happy TV are a few of the casualties of popularity. Now Sacha Baron Cohen faces that problem with Borat.
The humour derived from people not knowing Borat is a fictional character loses its edge after an international box office hit film, two Golden Globes, threats of violence and death, and a nation threatening legal action. So Cohen is prepared to say farewell to the naÃ¯ve reporter from Kazakhstan.
He said, â€œI think it will probably be impossible to do Borat again. I think the days of me going undercover are probably over."
Well, they'll maybe be over after completion of the Â£22M film deal that will feature his gay, Austrian fashion designer, Bruno. Get that hate mail ready, steady, ...
Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Jeremy Piven, Ray
Liotta, Ben Afleck, Andy Garcia, Alicia Keys, Jason Bateman
Released: 12th January 2007
Buddy 'Aces' Israel (Piven) is the top entertainer in Las Vegas. More importantly, though, is that he's also head of a crime syndicate based on connections he made in the Mafia.
The FBI have been cracking down on the mob and their last link to bring the entire crime organisation down will be on the testimony of Israel. Agents Messner (Reynolds) and Caruthers (Liotta) are sent to bring him in.
Of course the Mafia aren't going to take this lying down and a $1M bounty is placed on Israel's head drawing interest from contract killers all over the place.
There's a double team of young, sassy girls (Keys), a master of disguise, a master of torture, a trio of gunblazing Nazi brothers and an unknown man simply called The Swede.
Also in on the chase are a team of bondsmen led by Jack Dupree (Afleck).
Time is running out for Israel as all the elements close in to cash in on him and all he's got in his defence are a heavily armed hotel security guards and his own crew.
A diverse group of characters made up of an ensemble of charismatic, action actors keeps the film rolling along easily with very little time to sit back and ponder whether it's all a bit too clever or not.
Each protagonist has his/her own thread that cuts and interweaves through the others' stories. The laughs are plentiful, coming from the ensuing confusion and verbal exchanges. Probably playing the funniest cameo is Arrested Development's Bateman thoroughly debasing himself as the room-bound bond agent sending Afleck on his way.
There's a surprising comedy in the gratuity of the gunplay and variations therein. Redneck Nazis that indiscriminately slaughter anyone in their path without any consideration to their own safety are the most comical team and give Afleck the opportunity for some Oscar worthy acting.
The fast paced, quick-witted story also benefits from unpredictable fates for the characters. There's no real leading role here. You quickly see that star status means nothing to the producers and no-one is exempt from being felled by a hail of bullets. Each scene could result in the demise of anyone of them.
A very clever film that keeps all its strands flowing tightly together to
prevent loss of continuity and attention. If there was a downside then it's a
rather lack lustre 'twist' that didn't need to be there and comes as rather an
anticlimax after 90 minutes of non-stop action.
Starring: Ben Stiller, Robin Williams, Ricky Gervais, Dick Van
Released: 26th December 2006
Larry (Stiller) is an unaccomplished dreamer. He has grand ideas but never gets them to work out and with that has earned himself a divorce and a gradually worsening relationship with his young son.
Determined to put things right he decides to take the first stable job that comes along; night security at the Museum of Natural History. Three old timers (Van Dyke, Mickey Rooney and Bill Cobbs) are being laid off and replaced with one man because business has been slow.
But Larry wasn't told that one of the museums Egyptian artefacts carries a magical curse with it that brings everything in the building to life from nightfall to sun up. From the T-Rex bones in the foyer to an Easter Island head with Huns, prehistoric men and miniature civilisation dioramas in between.
It's up to Larry (with a little help from Teddy Roosevelt (Williams) to stop the animated displays from destroying the museum, themselves and, ultimately, his life.
Stiller has surrounded himself with quite an ensemble of comedy talent in this one. There's Williams representing the old school and Van Dyke and Rooney in for the reeeeally old school. Stiller doesn't go far without bosom-buddy Owen Wilson and there's also Steve Coogan who is slowly but surely edging his way into the comedy fraternity. Also is Gervais making another movie notch for himself (see: For Your Consideration coming soon!)
Each of these worthy names are given there moment to shine in their own way. Gervais, specifically, delivers a trademark performance of inane ramblings with aplomb and makes the most of a very understated role.
Setting itself up as a spooky film it quickly becomes apparent that it is just going to be plain silly. Lots of slapstick, pratfalls, anarchic tomfoolery and childish behaviour keep the story trundling along and actually take up more time than the, otherwise, sycophantic plot of rubbish father lowering his standards to try to make good.
Each set up for horror is twisted on its head to make it more appealing for the younger audience from the T-rex skeleton up to the climactic encounter with the Egyptian mummy. It's tame, it's innocent but it is harmless farm. A film to just switch off and let these guys get on with what they're good at.