Sort these jokes by: Title (Alphabetically) | Date (latest first) | Rating (highest first) Viagra Posted By pomki (7 December, 2006) Why is the local retirement home giving Viagra to 80 year olds at bedtime? To stop them falling out of bed at night.... Make My Boobs Bigger Please Posted By deadly (27 September, 2006) A woman was always complaining about not having small boobs until eventually her husband told her he had a great way to make them bigger. "Just rub... Snooker Posted By Aled (28 February, 2005) Why is sexual choice just like a game of snooker? Because you've got to decide whether to take an easy pink or a tight brown.... Vicars wife Posted By big al (7 December, 2004) A vicar is getting ready at home just prior to giving the local women's institute a speech on the subject of sex. Just as he is about to leave his wife as... Tomato flasher Posted By Ghost (6 December, 2004) A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes but couldn't get then to turn red. One day she came across a neighbour who had a garden full of lovely, red ... Adam and Eve Posted By mals (5 December, 2004) The lord gave Adam a beautiful garden, edging onto a slow flowing river which gently poured into the sea. The day the Lord introduced Eve to the garden, he ... Mario & Maria Posted By mals (5 December, 2004) Mario and Maria end up in the divorce court. the Judge extremely surprised at an Italian divorce.He calls on Maria, "Maria, why do you want a divorce?" ... Lemon Curd Posted By moony69 (5 December, 2004) Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are lying in bed one night. Sherlock runs off to the kitchen and comes back with a jar of lemon curd. Quickly he turns Dr Wats... Vodoo Dick Posted By raider_hater_24 (14 November, 2004) There was a business man who was always away on business trips, and every time he would go on one of these business trips his wife would always cheat on h... Viking Gods Posted By Richard (21 October, 2004) Thor, the Viking God of Thunder, and his pal Bob, were up in Valhalla, when suddenly Thor said to Bob, "Bob, it's been a long time now. I REALLY need to h... Washing Machine Posted By Richard (10 July, 2004)  A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon. "Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked. "Shh!" said the br... Confused Old Man Posted By Richard (27 June, 2004) An 85 year old man visits his doctor to get a sperm count. The geezer's given a jar and told to bring back a sample. The next day he returns to the doctor ... Biology Student Posted By maesalt (22 June, 2004) A young biology student went home and put his home work on the kitchen table as his mother was washing up . He looked at his book and then looked at ... The Screw Posted By ringer9 (11 June, 2004) It's the Spring in 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He'sa pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the frontdoor, the girl's father ans... True Love Posted By GS831 (11 June, 2004) What is the differance between Love, True Love and a Show off? Spit.  Swallow. and Gargle.... Mind your Business Posted By ezza07 (6 June, 2004) The happy couple married and the girl had a hope-chest which she asked her new husband to never open, as it was something she treasured dearly. ... Sex in the Dark Posted By danielconama (2 June, 2004) There were once two lovers who loved to try out kinky new ways of sex. The woman suggested they have sex in the park at night. The man agreed Later t... Sex and Snow Posted By Richard (18 May, 2004) Q: Why is sex like snow? A: You never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it will last. ... The Door Hinge Posted By Richard (16 May, 2004) A couple just got a new house. The husband turned to his wife and ask her to go to the hardware store and get a door hinge for him. She kindly agreed and le... The New Priest Posted By Richard (16 May, 2004) There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person ... The Proxy Father Posted By Richard (16 May, 2004) The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and... Twelve Pack Posted By Richard (9 May, 2004) A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of cond... Naughty Girl Posted By Richard (4 May, 2004) One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen. "What's wrong dearest??" asked the confused husband. "Oh darling," so... Woman in Bed Posted By Richard (17 April, 2004) The spark had been lost in this guy's marriage, so he was trying to think of a way to rekindle it. One night he came from work, and found his wife asleep in... Two Sperm Cells Posted By mr potato (8 April, 2004) Two sperm cells are swimming along. One pulls out a map and says to the other: "How far until we get to the fallopian tube?" and the other rep... A Boy and his Goat Posted By blackwolf3912 (5 April, 2004) One day a boy walked into a pharmacy. He walked around for a while until he found what he was looking for. He grabbed a box of ribbed condoms, walked up to ... Taxi Fare Posted By nightvixen (29 March, 2004) A woman gets dropped off at her destination by at taxi, but when the driver asks for the fare she realises she's left her money at home. Unable to pay the ... The Tattoo Posted By Lukeyboy66 (26 March, 2004) A man was coming home from work one evening when he passed a tattoo and piercing studio. He then had a spontanous idea. He walked in and asked ... Foreign Legion Camel Posted By ringer9 (14 March, 2004) A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desertoutpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy lookingcamel tied out back ofthe en... Jamaican Fireman Posted By janelee86 (14 March, 2004) A newly wed Jamaican fireman came home from work one day and said to his wife "Y'know sumptin, honey, we have a wonderful system at de fire station: Bell ... Fourth Wedding Posted By Richard (8 March, 2004) A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." Th... Man, A Dog and A Sheep Posted By Richard (6 March, 2004) A man, a dog and a sheep drift on to a desert island after being involved in a shipwreck. This island has everything the man wants; fresh water, fruit, etc... Money Well Spent? Posted By Brian.w2 (2 March, 2004) It has been revealled that the latest research shows more money is now spent on boob jobs and viagra than on Alzheimer's research.  This means that&n... Ancient Chinese Torture Posted By Richard (20 February, 2004) A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancien... Was it good for you? Posted By Mystroth (19 February, 2004) So this beatiful blond meets this guy at the carnival. Immediately they hit it off. He shows her around the carnival and they ride a few rides. They decide ... Fifteen Gins Posted By child_of_korn360 (18 February, 2004) A man runs into a pub and said to the lanlord, "Fifteen gins please. Just had my first blow job."  So the landlord pours 15 Gins and asks "Why&n... Bad Pupil Posted By nightvixen (15 February, 2004) A teacher was taking his class of 12 year olds, and he asks them "Can anyone tell me what part of the body increases to 10 times it's normal size when sti... An Unusual Check-up Posted By nightvixen (15 February, 2004) A very atrractive woman went to see a gynaecologist. When she walked in and the gynaecologist saw her, all his reasoning went out the window. He... Blonde Job Posted By HardRoker4Life13 (15 February, 2004) Question: What do you call a blonde with pig tails? ________________________ Answer:   A BlowJob with handles.... Abstain for Two Weeks Posted By Richard (14 February, 2004) Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church.The pastor says, "We have special requirements fo... Visiting Professor Posted By Richard (14 February, 2004) A visiting professor at the University of Alabama is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here be... Dopey and the Pope Posted By nightvixen (11 February, 2004) Dopey and the other six dwarves went on a trip to the Vatican to meet the Pope. When the Pope arrives to greet them, Dopey sidles upto him and sa... Mr. Sam Posted By Richard (3 February, 2004) A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the bod... Penny Drinks Posted By boomy (1 February, 2004) A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asksfor a beer. "Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 penny." "One penny!?" exclaimed the guy. Th... Re-Marry? Posted By Richard (19 January, 2004) A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the woman asked,"Honey, if I died would you get married again?" The man said,"No dear." The women said, "I'm... Elderly Panty Fumble Posted By Richard (19 January, 2004) A 47 year-old lady gets a facelift. It turns out very well andshe enjoys showing off her new look. She goes to the newsstandand asks the man, "Sir, how ol... The Three Prostitutes Posted By more (9 January, 2004) Three prostitutes are sitting at a bar bragging about how big their holes are. The first prostitute declares "My hole is so big I can stuff... Sex for $100 Posted By Richard (29 December, 2003) A newlywed couple were looking for ways to make a few extrabucks.  They had thrown around a few ideas, but the husbandsuggested that his wife do some p... Son of a bitch! Posted By kevino89 (17 December, 2003) Priest: What is your sin child? Girl  : I confess father, I called a man a son of a bitch. Priest: Why? Girl  : Father he touched me!&n... The Nun on the Bus Posted By sweetyaerogirl (15 December, 2003) A man got on a bus and as he was riding he saw a nun. He asked the nun if she would be interested in going on a date with him and possibly having some kin... Lucy Lykes Posted By deansellick (27 November, 2003) True or not? In the village of Hurbum near Tillet in Herts, lives Lucy Lykes who owns the Cockwell Inn.  The address is: Lucy Lyke... Airline Crap Posted By bollox (23 November, 2003) A plane was coming in to land, and the pilot told the passengers to fasten their seat belts, etc. Then he turned to his co-pilot and said "I've been bu... Anniversary Posted By Sammythemanny (7 November, 2003) It's a couples Anniversary and the woman decides to do something nice for her husband so she goes to a tattoo parlour and says "can I have the initials... The Bungee Jumper and a Hooker Posted By kazkaz (4 November, 2003) What do a bungee jump and a cheap hooker have in common? They're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're dead. ... Elephant's Penis Posted By Richard (1 November, 2003) Mummy takes little Johnny to the zoo. As they pass the elephant cage, the elephant has an erection. "What's that, Mummy?" asks the child. "It's Nothing, J... Halloween Party Posted By boomy (31 October, 2003) A couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween party but the wife had a terrible headache. She told her husband to go anyway. After a short argument he agr... Husbands Sunday Posted By G_schandl (28 October, 2003) A husband and wife are in bed on a Sunday morning, the wife turns to the husband and say's "It's sunday today, so sunday being your day, what would like m... Late Night Phone Call Posted By georgec_b (18 October, 2003) A man is lying in bed with his wife one evening and all of a sudden the phone rings.  The man picks up and two seconds later his wife hears him ... Condoms at the Chemist Posted By cats (16 October, 2003) One day a man went into a chemist and asked the girl behind the counter for three packs of condoms. "Yes, certainly." she replied "Have you tried the colou... The Englishman at a Hotel Posted By cats (16 October, 2003) One morning, after spending the night with their wives, an Englishman, Spanishman and an Frenchman came downstairs to have breakfast at a hotel.... Pharmacist Posted By Richard (14 October, 2003) A woman walks into the drugstore and tells the pharmacist she wants to buy some arsenic. "What do you want with arsenic?" asks the pharmacist. "I want to ... Freudian Slip Posted By Shandan66 (11 October, 2003) What's the definition of a 'Freudian Slip'? It's when you do one thing, but mean to do your mother.... Big Headache Posted By 01bspeight (9 October, 2003) A man tells his boss he can't come into work today bcause he has a headache. His boss replies "Do you know what I do when I... Sneezing on a Plane Posted By georgec_b (28 September, 2003) A man is sitting next to a woman on a plane.  Turns out she's a drop-dead-gorgeous blonde!  When they reached 27,000 ft. the plane leveled out a... Not in front of the children Posted By yee-haa (28 September, 2003) A wee boy walks into the kitchen one night. "Mummy, you know that lady who reads the news?" "Yes dear." "Is she bionic?" "No - I don't think so dear. ... Gone Swimming Posted By georgec_b (19 September, 2003) There are two fishermen in a boat, Steve and John, and the boat starts sinking.  They can just about see shore from their sinking vessal.  Stev... Revenge Posted By cats (12 September, 2003) A shy guy sees a beautiful lady in a bar. After an hour of summoning up the courage, he goes over and asks tentatively: "Um, would you mind if I ... Doctor Dave Posted By Richard (7 September, 2003) Doctor Dave slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of... A story with a moral... Posted By neilsy84 (18 August, 2003) I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way,my friends encourage... Sex at the Girlfriends House Posted By Richard (17 August, 2003) A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and havedinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, thegirl announces to her boyfriend that... Making Cakes Posted By CHEZ (15 August, 2003) A young girl and her mother were walking down a street when they passed a house with the curtains open and two people clearly having sex.  The young ... Elderly Member at the Nudist Colony Posted By Richard (15 August, 2003) Jake, an older fellow, joins a nudist colony. At the reception, he paid the reception clerk $500 joining fee. The clerk tells jake 'strip off, put your cl... Deaf Sex Posted By Richard (12 August, 2003) Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights b... Cry During Sex Posted By Tomaski (6 August, 2003) How do you make your girlfriend cry during sex? Phone her up.... Objects of Desire Posted By Richard (5 August, 2003) One day, a man noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe in the back yard, ... A Desperate Man and a Camel Posted By gunners (13 July, 2003) A man is riding through the desert on his camel and finds a sudden urge to have sex. Realising that there are no women around he turns to his camel. Ju... The Milkman Posted By dougmart (9 July, 2003) A milkman calls at a blondes house to collect his money. As she is broke she lifts up her skirt and says to him,      "Can ... Pickle Slicer Posted By Richard (8 July, 2003) Fred comes home after a hard day's work at the pickle factory and announces to his wife that he's developed a terrible sexual compulsion; he wants to stick ... Sperm Bank Posted By Richard (8 July, 2003) Guy in a balaclava bursts into a sperm bank with a shotgun.'Open the ****ing safe' he yells at the girl behind the counter. 'But we're not a real bank' she... Going Down? Posted By johno13 (25 June, 2003) Man goes down on a woman....... Man:          God it smells down here ! Woman:    I'm so sorry... Busted! Posted By short M (23 June, 2003) A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman.             &... cat and cockrel Posted By shadowfax37 (11 June, 2003) A cat and a cockerel are walking over a bridge one day, unfortunately the cat falls in and the cockerel starts laughing. The moral of the story is tha... Bill and Ben Posted By just__A__girl (25 May, 2003) Bill and Ben were having sex one night, Bill said "flobba flobalobba flob!" Ben replied, "if you loved me you would have swallowed that!"... Oral or anal? Posted By mary (23 May, 2003) What is the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day and anal sex makes your hole weak.... Proud Father Posted By Jead (17 May, 2003) Little Johnny arrived home from school, he pops his bag on the kitchen counter and says, "Mum, I had sex with the teacher today." Johnnys mum looked emba... Visiting the Zoo Posted By Ghost (15 May, 2003) A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage, when one woman makes a gesture that the gori... Grass eater Posted By Toni (14 May, 2003) A man and a woman were having sex in a dark forest. After about ten minutes the man looked up and said "You know, I wish I had a torch." "So do I", replied... Mating Call Posted By sickboyskeeter (8 May, 2003) What is the mating call of a brunette? Quick all the blondes have gone!... Crystal Balls Posted By Richard (3 May, 2003) Why dont gypsies wear condoms?They have crystal balls so they can see themselves coming.... Poor Milk man Posted By pretty (6 April, 2003) One day a lady was giving birth with her husband holding her hand, when the husband said to the nurse ''I feel real guilty her getting all the pain and all,... Something on the Elevator floor Posted By matt (17 March, 2003) A blonde, a brunette and a redhead enter an elevator. As they walk in they notice a small puddle of white liquid on the floor. The brunette bends down for a... All Doing The Dishes Posted By Funny.co.uk (5 February, 2003) Steve has just bought a motorbike but everytime it rains the seal leaks and he has to put Vaseline on it to stop it. He carries a jar of Vaseline with him... Man Wanted Posted By Funny.co.uk (5 February, 2003) There once was a lady who was tired of living with men who were either physically abusive,who ran away from her, or who were horrible in bed. So she put an ... It's Better Than Nothing Posted By Funny.co.uk (5 February, 2003) The guy had taken his girl out wining and dining; coming home in the car he stops in a lay-by and gets stuck in snogging and feeling between her legs. ''Sto... Three Holes Posted By Funny.co.uk (5 February, 2003) This woman goes to the doctors. "How can I help you" says the doctor. "Well I seem to have three vagina's" says the woman. "I don't believe you" replies the... Stand In Priest Posted By Funny.co.uk (5 February, 2003) One day as confessions were on in church the priest comes out of the confession box and asks the young man sweeping the floor to act as a priest for a minut... What Would You Like To Be Made Of? Posted By Funny.co.uk (5 February, 2003) Three boys are asked to go to the front of the class and asked if they could be made of one thing apart from flesh and blood what would it be. The first boy... Golf Widow Posted By Funny.co.uk (5 February, 2003) A "golf widow" concedes that if she is ever to see her husband she needs to learn the game. So she goes to the country club and signs up for lessons with th... Ship Wreck Posted By Funny.co.uk (5 February, 2003) There was a cruise ship going through some rough waters that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island. There where only 3 survivors: 2... The Ultimate Chastity Belt Posted By Funny.co.uk (5 February, 2003) King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the great wizard was showing him his latest creation. It was a chastity belt, except it had a rather large hole... Voodoo Dildo Posted By Funny.co.uk (5 February, 2003) A man and his wife were addicted to sex. The man had to go abroad on a business trip, and knowing his wife would need a shag, told her to buy a dildo. She a... Phone Call Posted By Funny.co.uk (5 February, 2003) This bloke rings home from a phone box at the airport. "Hello son, its your dad here, put your Mam on" he says as a little boy's voice answers the phone. "O...