Sort these jokes by: Title (Alphabetically) | Date (latest first) | Rating (highest first) Knock Knock! Posted By dj drum (2 October, 2006) Who's there?   Cowsgo.   Cowsgo who?   No they don't they go moooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!... Sheep Farming 101 Posted By Zorga (28 August, 2006) A novice farmer buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones ... Spanish Sheep Posted By sadface (27 March, 2006) What do you call a Spanish sheep with no legs? Gracias!... Dollar Jar Posted By isaamaro (9 August, 2005)  This guy walks in to a bar. The very first thing he notices is a large jar filled with dollar coins. The man asks the bartender, "What's this jar... Three Tough Mice Posted By Ghost (7 June, 2005) Three mice are in a bar, just sitting around, shooting the shit, talking about how tough they are. First mouse says "I'm so tough, I run out into the middl... What did the chicken do? Posted By Ghost (7 May, 2005) A man inherited a parrot.  At first he thought this was a good thing.  But the parrot would do nothing but swear.  It's language offended h... Monkey and Lizard Posted By JinMakkto (7 April, 2005) One day in the jungle, Lizard climbs up a tree and find Monkey sitting on a branch, smoking some weed. Lizard asks him for some but Monkey keeps saying "No... Legless Chicken Posted By daphnemoon (14 March, 2005) Where do you find a chicken with no legs? Where you left it.... Duck walks into a bar Posted By WAD (26 February, 2005) A duck walks into a bar and asks the bar man "you got a grape?". The man replies "sorry but we don't sell grapes", the duck sighs and walks out. The next d... Fish Posted By Mark-Awesome (4 January, 2005) There was a fish waiting for a fly to drop 6 inches so the fish could eat the fly. There was a cat waiting for the fly to drop 6 inches so the fish would e... Bear hunt Posted By JS1056 (16 November, 2004) A man is going hunting with a scoped sniper rifle. That night he sees a bear he shoots, misses, curses and notices the bear is right behind him "Your hump ... The Crow Posted By Richard (21 October, 2004) Q: How do you make a crow fly? A: You don't need to, it has the natural facility to do so by itself, through a system of bones, skin and muscle fashioned in... Danger Posted By big al (18 October, 2004) What's green and brown with six legs and if it fell out of a tree would kill you stone dead? A snooker table... Aardvark Posted By big al (17 October, 2004) What do you call an Aardvark with a black eye and broken teeth? A Vark... Big Dog Posted By Richard (28 June, 2004) A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied o... Four legs and an arm Posted By JinMakkto (27 June, 2004) What has four legs and an arm? A happy rotweiler.... Cross eyed dog Posted By JinMakkto (27 June, 2004) A woman takes her pet Labrador to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed," she says, "is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a loo... Turtles Picnic Posted By Richard (28 May, 2004) Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, th... Snoring Dog Posted By Richard (18 May, 2004) An old lady is having trouble with her pet dog snoring every night and keeping her awake. So she goes to a vet and learns that that if you put a ribbon... The Bishop and the Ass Posted By Richard (18 May, 2004) A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the ... Two Legs Posted By wylde99 (5 May, 2004) What has two legs and bleeds?   Half a cat.      ... The Duck Posted By rich666 (29 March, 2004) A duck walks into a bar and says to the barman: "Have you got any bread?" Astonished at the sight of the talking duck the man replies "No mate we're a ... Stolen Camel Posted By amwebber (4 March, 2004) A man runs into a police station shouting "you`ve got to help me, someone`s stolen my camel!" Calm down says a policeman, we`ll have to take a statement f... New Stud Rooster Posted By ringer9 (25 February, 2004) A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster forhis chicken coop. The young rooster walks over to the oldrooster and says, "Ok, old fellow, t... Wash the Dog Posted By Richard (15 February, 2004) An eight-year-old boy went into a grocery store and picked out a large box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and asked the boy if he had a lot of... Smart Monkey Posted By Richard (23 January, 2004) Thomas goes to the zoo to feed the monkeys.  He throws amonkey a peanut, the monkey picks it up, sticks it in his rear,pulls it out and eats it. Tho... The creatures of Amazon Posted By thehumble (17 January, 2004) An Amazon rain forest researcher was conducting a test, so he could find someone who could help him with his rainforest research. One day, a guy walk... Small Dogs Posted By ksmith (2 January, 2004) What's a Shitszu? A zoo with no animals.... Four Ducks Posted By Richard (23 December, 2003) There were four ducks that got arrested while messingaround at the pond. The judge orders the ducks to come in one at a time tospeak their piece. The first ... Octupus in a mess! Posted By Mr Firth (21 December, 2003) A man walks into a pub with an octopus under his arm, he puts in on the counter and bets anyone in the pub that they can't find an instrument too hard for... The Two Horses Posted By Jen4Chris (11 December, 2003) A blonde had a lot of trouble trying to tell the difference between her two horses until one day she realised that the white horse was two handspans bigger ... Three Dogs at the Vet Posted By Richard (30 November, 2003) Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the veterinarian's. One ofthe dogs was hanging its head and sighing. The second dog turned to himand asked ... Why did the chicken Posted By jabberwocky (27 November, 2003) Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was stuck to the perverts dick. ------------------------------------------ why did the chicken cross the roa... Prawn Posted By cats (26 November, 2003) Far away in the depths of the sea, two prawns, Justin and Christian, are swimming in the water. They are constantly being threatened by sharks. One day Ju... Why do Ducks have Webbed Feet? Posted By Richard (19 November, 2003) Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.... Two Weasels Posted By jabberwocky (14 November, 2003) Two weasels are in a bar drinking. One of them starts to insult the other. In a loud voice he screams "I slept with your mother." The bar gets quiet as eve... Giant Panda Posted By jabberwocky (3 November, 2003) A man comes home to find a panda on his doorstep. As soon as he open his door to go in the panda pushes him aside and runs into the house. It goes into his ... Dachshund In The Jungle Posted By Simon (3 October, 2003) A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund started chasing butterflies ... Puddles Posted By cats (7 September, 2003) A man carrying three ducks walks into a quiet bar. He places them on the bar, has a few drinks and chats to the bartender. The bartender has learnt from e... Koalas Posted By Scarface (23 August, 2003) Q. Why did the the koala fall out of the tree? A. It was dead. Q. Why did the second koala fall from the tree? A. It was dead, too. Q. Why did the third k... Fancy Dress Snail Posted By Richard (7 August, 2003) A man went to his mate's fancy dress party with nothing but a naked girl on his back. 'So what are you supposed to be?' the host asked. 'I'm a snail.' T... Rabbit in a bar Posted By monkeyman107uk (15 July, 2003) A rabbit walked in to a pub and said to the barman "have you got any carrots", the barman said "no, try the grocery shop down the road". The next day the ra... Man on Elephant Posted By monkeyman107uk (15 July, 2003) Why did the man get off an elephant? He didn't, he got off a duck... Snail in a Pub Posted By monkeyman107uk (13 July, 2003) A snail walked into a pub and started drinking. After a few pints he started to get a bit rowdy so the barman kicked him out. Two weeks later he walked back... Energizer Posted By Gothic Monk (9 July, 2003) The energizer bunny died a couple weeks ago...... someone put in his battery in upside down and he just kept coming and coming.... Two Flies Posted By everlou (8 July, 2003) Two flies are working on a cowpat. One says to the other "I haven't seen Fred for a while,where is he?" The other fly replies "Oh, he's on&nb... Monkey falls Posted By Gothic Monk (29 June, 2003) Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead. ---------------------------------------------- Why did the Chicken fall out of the tree? Bec... Name Mix-up Posted By lenny (19 June, 2003) A white horse walks into a pub, goes up to the barman and asks for a pint of bitter.  The barman serves him and tries to start a conversation by ... Molehole Posted By yt (13 June, 2003) So there is three moles in a hole. The first little mole goes up the hole and says "hmm..  I smell eggs and bacon". The second mole goes up the ho... Exam success! Posted By fishnchipsrnice (6 June, 2003) How come canarys with no teeth always pass exams? Because they are bound to succeed!... The Monkey Posted By danny500 (24 May, 2003) A man went into a bar with a pet monkey. While he was having a drink, the monkey started exploring all over the place. "Don't worry about any damage h... Wishes Posted By blade4616 (23 May, 2003) On a day in the forest a bear is chasing a rabbit and all of a sudden they fall in a pit. A fairy settles the quarrel by granting them each three ... Wet Paint Posted By Toon_Man (21 May, 2003) A dog was walking through the park when he saw a sign that said WET PAINT. So he did.... The Amazed Man Posted By bubbles (13 May, 2003) A man was amazed to see a dog buying meat for his owmer in a butcher's because not only did he appear to check the quality of the meat, but he noticed tha... the Shepherd Posted By Nicky (9 April, 2003) What did the shepherd say after he lost his sheep? "Where's my sheep?"... What The Parrot Saw Posted By Funny.co.uk (8 February, 2003) A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop. After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't have a... Farmer and Sheep Posted By Funny.co.uk (8 February, 2003) A poor farmer has three sheep and one old Ram. As the three sheep are not conceiving the farmer calls in the vet.Well, you have three options says the vet... A Man and a Crocodile... Posted By Funny.co.uk (8 February, 2003) A guy and a croc walk into a bar and the guy says "I'll have a pint, and one of your regulars for the croc." The barman says "You cant do that!" So the gu... Which Came First? Posted By Funny.co.uk (8 February, 2003) A chicken and an egg were lying in bed after just having sex. The chicken lit up a ciggarette, turned to the egg and said "Well, that answers that one."... Penguin in Arizona Posted By Funny.co.uk (8 February, 2003) A penguin is driving through Arizona (as they do) on a hot summer's day when he notices his oil light is on. He gets out of the car and, sure enough, it's l... Baby Polar Bear Posted By Funny.co.uk (8 February, 2003) This baby polar bear was sat with his mum on an ice berg. "Mum," he asked, "am I a real polar bear?" "Yes darling, of course you are." his mother answered. ... Rabbit Breakout Posted By Funny.co.uk (8 February, 2003) These two rabbits were sat in a laboratory, and got talking about how good it would be to break out. So, they hatched a plan and later that night they made ... Skydiving Posted By Funny.co.uk (8 February, 2003) Why don't blind men go sky diving? It scares the crap out of their guide dogs.... Four ducks Posted By Funny.co.uk (8 February, 2003) There were four ducks that got arrested while messing around at the pond. The judge orders the ducks to come in one at a time to speak their piece. The firs... Owl Posted By Funny.co.uk (8 February, 2003) What's soft, absorbant and lives in a tree? A Sanitary Owl... A Cat Goes To Heaven Posted By Funny.co.uk (8 February, 2003) A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, 'You've been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to... Guidedog Posted By Funny.co.uk (8 February, 2003) A blind man is waiting with his guide dog by the side of the road to cross.No traffic comes but the dog continues to sit there.All of a sudden an articulate...