Playwright Jim Sherman wrote this today after Hu Jintao was named chief of
the Communist Party in China.
'HU'S ON FIRST' By James Sherman
(We take you now to the Oval Office and the conversation between George Bush
and Condi Rice.)
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's
happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about
the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on
me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of
China.
George: That's what I want to
know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling
you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the
new leader of
China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I
mean the fellow's
name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The
guy in
China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The
new leader of China.
Condi:
Hu.
George: The
Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading
China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me
for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading
China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading
China?
Condi: That's the man's
name.
George: That's whose
name?
Condi:
Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me
the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes,
sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I
thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's
correct.
George: Then who is in
China?
Condi: Yes,
sir.
George: Yassir is in
China?
Condi: No,
sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi:
Yes, sir.
George:
Yassir?
Condi: No,
sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the
new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the
phone.
Condi:
Kofi?
George: No,
thanks.
Condi: You want
Kofi?
George: No.
Condi:
You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you
mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the
U.N.
Condi: Yes,
sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the
U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George:
Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And
call who?
George: Who is the guy at the
U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in
China.
George: Will you stay out of
China?!
Condi: Yes,
sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get
me the guy at the U.N.
Condi:
Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two
sugars. Now get on the phone. (Condi picks up the
phone.)
Condi: Rice,
here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg
rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East.
Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?
