There's a new priest in town, doesn't really know what he is doing, the high priest says to him, "You work on confessions and I will do the masses." "Okay" said the new priest, "But how do I know what penance to give them?" "That's simple, I have a book, when people tell you what they have done wrong you look it up and give them their penance," replied the priest.

A woman comes to confession and says "I just stole from the shop." the priest says "Say 2 Hail Mary's and God will forgive you." "Thank you so much!" said the woman.

Next a man comes in and says, "I just killed the butcher!" the new priest says, "Ohh say 4 eternal rests 4 hail mary's 7 our fathers and you will be forgiven."

Then, a women comes in and says "HELP!!! I just give my boyfriend a blow-job" the new priest looks up blow-jobs and he can't find it. He runs into the mass to ask the high priest and shouts, "What shall I give her for a blow-job?!" The high priest replies, "Give her 20 quid!"