Having chosen English as the preferred language, the European
Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency
in communications between Government departments. European officials have often
pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult - for example,
cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased
programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of
course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating
nations.
In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest
using 's' instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would
resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' sinse
both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the
minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.
There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it kould be
announsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'. This would
make words like 'fotograf' twenty per sent shorter in print.
In the
third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reash the
stage where more komplikated shanges are possible. Governments would enkourage
the removal of double letters which have always been a deterent to akurate
speling.
We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the
languag is disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ
as though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem
began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'.
Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after al,
half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o' kould be dropd from words
kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of
leters.
Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli
sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and
evrivun vud find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of ze Guvermnt vud
finali hav kum tru.
