On Tuesday this week, the BBC launched it's first 'all black' sitcom: The Crouches.  The show has 'technically' got off to a good start, receiving viewing figures of 3.2 million - a fifth of the available viewers!  That's the good news for the shows writer, Ian Pattison.  The bad news for him is that the new sitcom is unanimously considered by all reviewers (including ourselves) as utterly utterly terrible, and watching it only slightly favourable to having empty Pringles tubes inserted into open wounds in the back of your head inflicted with a pneumatic jack-hammer wielded by a derranged chimp who has been running amock for some plausible but unexplained reason.

The sitcom, which appears to have had it's script generated by some form of random word generator, and it's characters created as the shallow sterotypes percieved as representing black Briatain by Pattison; has been savaged by the press.  The Guardian's Gareth McLean said: "Ian Pattison, writer of The Crouches, should be dipped in honey then fed to a battalion of fire ants."

In fact, the show was such a poor stab at producing anything even mildy humorous that I demand the proportion of my licence fee be refunded that represents this programme. This sitcom makes up 0.000017% of this years BBC schedule, therefore I demand 0.0018p refunded to me by the BBC. Cheque or postal order will be fine.