Who goes to see Les Dennis' one-man comedy show?  Apparently, hardly anyone.  According to The Sun newspaper his 13 date tour (yes, the bad luck started early!), described as an "evening of comedy, looking back on a career celebrating 30 years", has invoked a furious surge of unparalleled, unadulterated, pure apathy.

It is thought that sales dragged themselves painfully towards a grand total of less than 5% of capacity.  On a happier note, however, the remaining 95% of tickets will hopefully be going to a homeless charity that builds small huts for 80's TV entertainers who have fallen upon hard times.

The Sun reported that ticket sales at the Wyvern Theatre, Swindon, where the tour begins, were just 37 out of a capacity of 617and that the Epsom Playhouse had sold 21 out of 400 tickets while the Ashcroft Theatre, Croydon, had sold 27 out of 775 tickets.  Ticket offices reported some strange phenomenen in the form of vortexes that actually appeared to extend time.

International Artistes, the tour's promoter commented that they "have high hopes that door trade will be good", leading us to believe that free buses from the Sunny View Retirement Village will ensure that residents can at least leave this earth with a smile of pity upon their lips.