Jet Fighter Warranty Card

Posted in Other Funny on December, 30 2003 10:30 PM

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment,
please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not
required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
 1.
 [_] Mr.
 [_] Mrs.
 [_] Ms.
 [_] Miss
 [_] Lt.
 [_] Gen.
 [_] Comrade
 [_] Classified
 [_] Other

 First Name: ...................................................
 Initial: ........
 Last Name ...................................................
 Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)
 Code Name: ...................................................
 Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ...........
 

 2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?

 [_] F-14 Tomcat
 [_] F-15 Eagle
 [_] F-16 Falcon
 [_] F-117A Stealth
 [_] Classified
 

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19....... /....... /......
4. Serial Number: ...............................................

 5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
 [_] Catalogue / showroom
 [_] Independent arms broker
 [_] Mail order
 [_] Discount store
 [_] Government surplus
 [_] Classified

 6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
{_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one
 

  7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
   [_] Style / appearance
  [_] Speed / maneuverability
  [_] Price / value
  [_] Comfort / convenience
  [_] Kickback / bribe
  [_] Recommended by salesperson
  [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
  [_] Advanced Weapons Systems
  [_] Backroom politics
  [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
 

  8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
  [_] North America
  [_] Iraq
  [_] Iraq
  [_] Aircraft carrier
  [_] Iraq
  [_] Europe
  [_] Iraq
  [_] Middle East (not Iraq)
  [_] Iraq
  [_] Africa
  [_] Iraq
  [_] Asia / Far East
  [_] Iraq
  [_] Misc. Third World countries
  [_] Iraq
  [_] Classified
  [_] Iraq
 

  9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
purchase in the
near future:
 [_] Colour TV
 [_] VCR
 [_] ICBM
 [_] Killer Satellite
 [_] CD Player
 [_] Air-to-Air Missiles
 [_] Space Shuttle
 [_] Home Computer
 [_] Nuclear Weapon
 

 10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all that apply:)
 [_] Communist / Socialist
 [_] Terrorist
 [_] Crazed
 [_] Neutral
 [_] Democratic
 [_] Dictatorship
 [_] Corrupt
 [_] Primitive / Tribal

  11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
 [_] Deficit spending
 [_] Cash
 [_] Suitcases of cocaine
 [_] Oil revenues
 [_] Personal check
 [_] Credit card
 [_] Ransom money
 [_] Traveler's check

 12. Your occupation:
  [_] Homemaker
  [_] Sales / marketing
  [_] Revolutionary
  [_] Clerical
  [_] Mercenary
  [_] Tyrant
  [_] Middle management
  [_] Eccentric billionaire
  [_] Defense Minister / General
  [_] Retired
  [_] Student
 

  13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests and activities in which
        you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
  [_] Golf
  [_] Boating / sailing
  [_] Sabotage
  [_] Running / jogging
  [_] Propaganda / misinformation
  [_] Destabilization / overthrow
  [_] Default on loans
  [_] Gardening
  [_] Crafts
  [_] Black market / smuggling
  [_] Collectibles / collections
  [_] Watching sports on TV
  [_] Wines
  [_] Interrogation / torture
  [_] Household pets
  [_] Crushing rebellions
  [_] Espionage / reconnaissance 
  [_] Fashion clothing
  [_] Border disputes
  [_] Mutually Assured Destruction
 

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers
will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas  serve you
better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and
special offers from other companies, governments, extremist  groups, and
mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be
registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

  Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:

  McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military,
  Aerospace Division

  IMPORTANT: This warranty card is intended for the use of the individual
  addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is
  confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons
  with  low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious
  beliefs.  If  you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination,
  distribution or copying of this card is not authorized (either explicitly or
 implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas.

  Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context
  somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or no
  grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in
  the transmission of this card, although the kelpie next door is
  living on borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with an
  overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there
  is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so
  just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft.

  However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your
  computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets.
  If you have received this card in error, please add some nutmeg and
  egg whites, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes.

 

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