The first pig built his house from straw (quite how, we don't know), the second pig built his house from sticks and the third pig, making use of knowledge gleaned from his recently passed architectural degree, built his house, after the planning permission dispute concerning the "Fairy Castle" style pointy turrets had been resolved, from bricks and cement.

But one day a large wolf, who really knew better but just couldn't help himself, came to the town from the district council offices with plans for a bypass, the route of which collided with all three of the pigs houses.

He went to the first pig's house, the house of straw.

"Little Pig, Little Pig, Let me in!" Growled the wolf.

"Not by the unshaven stubble on my chin shall I answer to the unreasonable demands of a whimsical wolf prepared to discriminate against me because of my size!!" replied the pig.

"I'll blow really hard and cause serious adverse effects and destruction to be inflicted on you quaint country property!" the wolf retorted.

"I shan't be deterred by your over-zealous claims of impossibly powerful lung movements! Eastenders is just starting and I'm going to go and watch it!!" the pig cried

And so the wolf huffed and he puffed and he blew the house down, sending the pig fleeing desperately to get to the second pig's house before the opening credits finish.

To save on ink-tax, suffice to say that the events that followed almost mirrored exactly what you have just read. Just imagine sticks instead of straw, two pigs rather than one, the episode of Eastenders into it's fifth minute / seventeenth argument and they run off to the third pig in his house of bricks, as if you didn't know that already.

Unfortunately, for legal reasons, we are unable to continue the story any further due to a still-pending-judgement court case concerning the pigs, the wolf, a cooking pot, a coffee grinder, a tub of Vaseline, the R.S.P.C.A. and an act banning the killing of certain endangered species of wolf.