Readers Ads
If you would like to place an advert in the this Readers Ads section then
first find something to sell then follow the instructions below, or above
depending on how much the editor has had to drink.
1. Find something to sell. eg/ a worthless household item or your
neighbour's car.
2. Write down you advert in no less than 6 words (each additional word
will cost you a broken knee-cap or £12)
3. Staple your advert to the forehead of a passer-by and hope they are
walking in the right direction.
FOR SALE:
Small Dog. Good Oxygen. A large room's
condition, brown & contents of air for
white, one careful sale. Never used.
owner, dead. Some minor Unwanted Christmas gift.
interior work We will deliver. $115
necessary. Answers to
the name of Tiddles.
£42 ono
Pagan Soul. One Gate with hole in.
careful owner. 62 year $99. We would be
old mans evil soul grateful if only
exorcised from his body serious buyers would
only 2 weeks ago. look into it.
Would make perfect
birthday gift. Y499
Can of White Wash. Chewed Toffee. Still
Never been used. contains good flavour.
Available in blue, Slightly moist. Sticky
red, or green. £2. for easy storage.
Will throw in unwashed 1 groat
brush, only ever used
for glue!
Human Being. Quite Medium sized universe
good condition. Only containing four astral
used twice. In need of bodies and a
re-spray. Taxed and tri-planetry solar
insured. Supplied with system. Ideal for the
matching jacket and first time buyer.
hair style. $4,000,000 ovno.
DM59 Contact: God on 0891
678834
Sort of grinding Open Space. Suitable
squeeking noise for for door, open window,
sale. Experienced dustbin, crowded room
buyers only please. or camel. Ring Mr. D.
Can be delivered. May Copperfield on esoteric
need respray. psychic waveforms.
Delivered in bottle or
old shoe box.
Twenty dollar note. Everthing in the whole
One careful owner. world. Own ever item on
$50 ono. the planet, rule every
continent, have
exclusive rights to the
Cuboid prism shaped use of every facility
Egg. No previous and posession on earth.
Owners, not yet laid, Only one previous owner,
as such, but chicken used once a week on a
is fairly confident. tuesday. Holds good
Contact Mr O. L. value for re-sale.
McDonald BSc. £8.50.
WANTED:
Vicious Serial Killer. A reason for living for
Murderer of five wanted suicidal 48 year old.
dead or alive. Please Answers on a post card
contact Bob on a to the usual address.
telephone between 5-9pm We would also be
weekdays. Small reward grateful for the
and life time supply of donation of thick
those plastic things mattresses or the
you get on the end of demolition of all tall
umbrella spokes for any buildings in the area.
people or amphibious
life forms from the A sort of puzzled,
planet Kroton who bemused expression.
supply information. Needed urgently for
We promise not to call amateur dramatic
you a squealing production. Ring
supergrass with Scunthorpe morgue.
nothing better to do Good price paid.
than go dobbing to the
police
Left shoe, for one Window needed. For
legged man who has been house, I am your
served with an friend, trust me. We
exclusion order can rule the world
preventing him from together you and I!!
going within 100m of
any shoe shop display
stand.
STOLEN:
Folder containing this
months readers ads
for stolen section.
The file was stolen
from a desk in the
office on 4th August.
It was red and had
the label "Stolen" on
it. It is also
security coded with a
magnetic badger.
