 Real Advertisements
Posted By Richard (10 January, 2004)
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Dogs
- Lost: Small apricot poodle - Reward. Neutered, just like one of the
family.
- Dog For Sale: Great Dames.
- Dog For Sale: Eats anything; especially fond of children.
From the Kitchen
- A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by
waitresses in appetizing forms.
- 7 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered
with golden fried onion rings.
- Dinner Special - Chicken or Beef $2.25; Turkey $2.35; Children $2.00
Antiques
- For sale: An antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large
drawers.
- For sale: Four-posted bed, 101 years old, perfect for antique lover.
Vacation
- Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
- Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in
the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
- The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other
athletic facilities.
Wanted
- Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
- Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
- Wanted: Part-time marred girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
- Wanted: Chambermaid in rectory. Love in, 200 a month; References required.
- Wanted: Girl to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Salary and
Blue Cross.
- Wanted: Mother's helper, peasant working conditions.
- Wanted: Widower with school-age children requires a person to assume
general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of
family.
- Wanted: 3-year-old teacher needed for preschool; Experience preferred.
- Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
Services
- Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals and
smacks included.
- Ears pierced - while you wait!
- Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.
- We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
- Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Miscellaneous
- Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take
home too.
- Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
- Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last.
- Stock up and save. Limit: one per customer
- See ladies blouses. 50% off!
- Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of
women wear nothing else.
- Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops!
- Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
- Christmas tag-sale. Hand made gifts for the hard-to-find person.
- Modular Sofas. Only $299 For rest or fore play
- Auto Repair Service. Free pickup and delivery. Try us once, and you'll
never go anywhere again.
- Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient
beating.
- Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
- And now, the Superstore - unequaled in size, unmatched in variety,
unrivaled inconvenience.
- We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in you home for $1.
Radio Spots
- Ladies and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a ridiculous figure.
- When you are thirsty, try 7-Up, the refreshing drink in the green bottle
with the big 7 on it and the u-p after.
- Tune in next week for another series of classical music programs from the
Canadian Broadcorping Castration.
- Illiterate? Write for free information.
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