Idiot # 1 I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in
toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in
very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly
reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to
bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the
conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison
to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring
her daughter into the Emergency room right away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot # 2 Seems
that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a
life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the
plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, a Coast Guard
helicopter coming towards them surprised them. It turned out that
the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon which activated
when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at
Boeing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot # 3 A true
story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America,
walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in
this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he
began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call
the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of
America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.
After waiting a few
minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. He read it
and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in
the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it
was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either
have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left.
He was arrested
a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of
America.
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in
the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent
the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a
letter from the police that contained another picture, this time
of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot # 5 Guy
walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash
from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw
a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told
the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said, "Because
I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the
clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this
point the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to
the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact
over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store
with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and
address of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the
robber two hours later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot #
6 A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"
When his partner moved,
the startled first bandit shot him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot #
7 Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at
the window.
The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on
the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made
of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot # 8 Ann
Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 am flashed a gun and demanded
cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said the couldn't open
the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings,
the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated,
walked away
