In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer
products:
1. On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION
FROM A TORNADO.
2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
3. On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING,
KEEP UPRIGHT.
5. On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT
TESTED ON ANIMALS.
6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer -
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM
TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE
the box.)
7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids -
LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION
LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL
FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
8. In some
countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END.
9. On a
packet of Sunmaid raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE
BREAKFAST CEREAL?
10. On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE
SLEEPING.
11. On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO
PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)
12. On
a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And that would
be how?)
13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box)
- DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (Too late! You lose!)
14. On
Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
15. On a Korean kitchen knife -
WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to
do with my kids?)
16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights -
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to use in outer space?)
17. On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.
(Now I'm curious.)
