Snappy Answer #1
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a
man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench
coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your
ticket, not your stub."
Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these
turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Snappy Answer #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled
down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid
replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally
stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Snappy Answer #4
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads
"Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he
gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car
comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts
his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I
was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
Snappy Answer #5
A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a
long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his
way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to
be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry
sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first,
and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was
unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO
YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed
her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please," she began her
voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate
14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please
come to Gate 14." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the
man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore. "F*** you!" Without
flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line
for that, too."
And the VERY BEST snappy answer ....
Snappy Answer #6, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I
won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a
nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your
immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in
the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I
said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire
class does its Best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is
restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head,
and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other
hand.
