From a little book called "Disorder in the Court." They're
things people actually said in court, word for word....
Q: What is your
date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci
sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory
at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I
forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?
Q: How old is your son - the one living with you. A:
Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he
lived with you? A: Forty-five years.
Q: And where was the location
of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 499. Q: And where is milepost
499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
Q: Do you know if
your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult? A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo.
Q:
Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes. Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir. Q: What did she say? A: What disco am I at?
Q:
Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: Did he kill you?
Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
Q: How
many times have you committed suicide?
Q: So the date of conception (of
the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that
time?
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
Q: Can you describe the
individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a
male, or a female?
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress
when I go to work.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q:
All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy
started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A:
No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Q:
Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for
breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the
patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: It is possible that he could
have been alive and practising law somewhere.
Q: You were not shot in
the fracas? A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
LAWYER: What did the tissue samples taken from the victim's vagina show?
WITNESS: There were traces of semen. LAWYER: Male semen? WITNESS:
That's the only kind I know of.
LAWYER: Did you ever sleep with him in
New York? WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question. LAWYER: Did you
ever sleep with him in Chicago? WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question.
LAWYER: Did you ever sleep with him in Miami? WITNESS: No.
LAWYER: So, after the anaesthetic, when you came out of it, what did you
observe with respect to your scalp? WITNESS: I didn't see my scalp the whole
time I was in the hospital. LAWYER: It was covered? WITNESS: Yes.
Bandaged. LAWYER: Then, later on, what did you see? WITNESS: I had a
skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head.
CLERK: Please repeat after me: "I swear by Almighty God..." WITNESS:
"I swear by Almighty God." CLERK: "That the evidence that I give..."
WITNESS: That's right. CLERK: Repeat it. WITNESS: "Repeat it".
CLERK: No! Repeat what I said. WITNESS: What you said when? CLERK:
"That the evidence that I give..." WITNESS: "That the evidence that I give."
CLERK: "Shall be the truth and..." WITNESS: It will, and nothing but the
truth! CLERK: Please, just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth and..."
WITNESS: I'm not a scholar, you know. CLERK: We can appreciate that.
Just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth and..." WITNESS: "Shall be the
truth and." CLERK: Say: "Nothing...". WITNESS: Okay. (Witness remains
silent.) CLERK: No! Don't say nothing. Say:"Nothing but the truth..."
WITNESS: Yes. CLERK: Can't you say: "Nothing but the truth..."?
WITNESS: Yes. CLERK: Well? Do so. WITNESS: You're confusing me.
CLERK: Just say: "Nothing but the truth...". CLERK: Yes. WITNESS:
Okay. I understand. CLERK: Then say it. WITNESS: What? CLERK:
"Nothing but the truth..." WITNESS: But I do! That's just it. CLERK: You
must say: "Nothing but the truth..." WITNESS: I WILL say nothing but the
truth! CLERK: Please, just repeat these four words: "Nothing", "But", "The",
"Truth". WITNESS: What? You mean, like, now? CLERK: Yes! Now. Please.
Just say those four words. WITNESS: "Nothing. But. The. Truth." CLERK:
Thank you. WITNESS: I'm just not a scholar.
LAWYER: On the morning
of July 25th, did you walk from the farmhouse down the footpath to the cowshed?
WITNESS: I did. LAWYER: And as a result, you passed within a few yards
of the duck pond? WITNESS: I did. LAWYER: And did you observe anything?
WITNESS: I did. (Witness remains silent.) LAWYER: Well, could you tell
the Court what you saw? WITNESS: I saw George. LAWYER: You saw George
*******, the defendant in this case? WITNESS: Yes. LAWYER: Can you tell
the Court what George ******* was doing? WITNESS: Yes. (Witness remains
silent.) LAWYER: Well, would you kindly do so? WITNESS: He had his thing
stuck into one of the ducks. LAWYER: His "thing"? WITNESS: You know...
His thing. His di... I mean, his penis. LAWYER: You passed close by the duck
pond, the light was good, you were sober, you have good eyesight, and you saw
this clearly? WITNESS: Yes. LAWYER: Did you say anything to him?
WITNESS: Of course I did! LAWYER: What did you say to him? WITNESS:
"Morning, George"
