Recently reported in the Massachusetts
Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are 22 questions actually asked
of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses
given by insightful witnesses:
1. "Now doctor, isn't it true
that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next
morning?"
2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is
he?"
3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"
4. "Were you alone or by yourself?"
5. "Was it
you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"
6. "Did
he kill you?"
7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of
the collision?"
8. "You were there until the time you left, is
that true?"
9. "How many times have you committed suicide?"
10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"
11. Q: "She had three children, right?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "How many were boys?"
A: "None."
Q: "Were there any
girls?"
12. Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
13. Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon,
didn't you?"
A: "I went to Europe, Sir."
Q: "And you took your
new wife?"
14. Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
A: "By death."
Q: "And by who's death was it terminated?"
15. Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
A: "He was
about medium height and had a beard."
Q: "Was this a male, or a female?"
16. Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
A: "No, this is how I
dress when I go to work."
17. Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies
have you performed on dead people?"
A: "All my autopsies are performed
on dead people."
18. Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?"
A: "Oral."
19. Q: "Do you
recall the time that you examined the body?"
A: "The autopsy started
around 8:30 p.m.."
Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy."
20. Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?"
A:
"No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel."
21. Q:
"Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
A: "I have been since early
childhood."
22. Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,
did you check for a pulse?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for blood
pressure?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
A:
"No."
Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?"
A: "No."
Q: "How can you be so sure,
Doctor?"
A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Q: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practising law
somewhere."
