1) You believe the AIDS virus is spread by a
lack of funding.
2) You have to be against capital punishment but for
abortion on demand - In short: you support protecting the guilty and killing the
innocent.
3) You have to believe that the same overpaid public school
idiot who can't teach 4th graders how to read is qualified to teach those same
kids about sex.
4) You have to believe that trial lawyers are selfless
heroes and doctors are overpaid.
5) You have to believe that guns in the
hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear weapons in the
hands of the Koreans.
6) You have to believe that global temperatures are
less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the brilliance of the Sun, and
more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.
7) You have to believe that gender
roles are artificial but being gay is natural.
8) You have to believe
that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
9)
You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature but pasty-faced
activists who've never been outside Seattle do.
10) You have to believe
that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn
it.
11) You have to believe there was no art before federal
funding.
12) You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians,
start wars.
13) You have to believe the free market that gives us 500+
channels can't deliver the programming quality PBS does.
14) You have to
believe the NRA is bad, because it stands up for certain parts of the
Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because they stand up for certain parts of
the Constitution.
15) You have to believe that taxes are too low but ATM
fees are too high.
16) You have to believe that Harriet Tubman, Cesar
Chavez and Gloria Steinman are more important to American history than Thomas
Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Alva Edison.
17) You have to
believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides
aren't.
18) You have to believe that second-hand smoke is more dangerous
than HIV.
19) You have to believe that conservatives are racists but
black people couldn't make it without your help.
20) You have to believe
that the only reason democratic socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried
is because the right people haven't been in charge.
