 Things to do at a Wedding
Posted By Richard (30 April, 2004)
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Show up with a baby and claim he belongs to the newlyweds.
- Cover yourself with glue to improve your chances of catching the bouquet.
- Offer to show people pictures of the bride having sex with your dog.
- Tell people that you knew the bride before the sex change operation.
- Tell the bride that the only reason you can look at her is that you used
to be a proctologist.
- Instead of a standard gift, give the newlyweds a gift certificate for a
drug rehab. clinic.
- As you move down the receiving line, spit on each person.
- Ask the bride's mother to give you a hand job.
- Give the bride some Bianca, and tell her it kills the taste of sperm.
- Propose a toast to the bride's nose job.
- Steal the cards from the wedding gifts so no one can tell who they came
from.
- Walk up to various guests wearing a security guard costume and demand to
see their invitations.
- After the bride throws her garter, start people chanting, "Throw your bra,
throw your bra..."
- Tell everyone that the groom had to be given Quaaludes to keep him from
backing out.
- Tell the priest that there's no money to pay him, and ask if he'll settle
for banging the bride instead.
- Assure the bride's mother that the groom is "hung like a horse."
- Return a bra which the bride left in your car.
- If there's a hunchback at a Jewish wedding tell hin that he has to wear
one yarmukle on his head and another on his hump.
- When the bride is coming down the aisle, push the organist out of the way
and start playing, "The Lady is a Tramp."
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