Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed on to wives,
girlfriends, fiancés etc.
LIST OF RULES
1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the
newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and
that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this,
then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT
complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any
exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it
(your eye).
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as
long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you
decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right
after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or
look after you during the World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill
of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to
listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that
just fell from the second floor....it wont happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge
at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make
any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return,
you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a
good game that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams is
losing, DO NOT say, "Get over it, its only a game," or, "Don't worry, they'll
win next time." If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I
will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than
me and your so called 'words of encouragement' will only lead to a break up or
divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me
during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime
score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying 'one' game, hence do
not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to 'spend time together.'
8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen
them already or I haven't seen them at all; I want to see them again. Many
times.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related
parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a
game, we will be there in a flash.
11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as
important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying, "But you have
already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all
watch??" The reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2."
12. And finally, please save your expressions such as, "Thank God the World
Cup is only every 4 years." I am immune to these words because after this comes
the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, etc etc.
