Nodding
and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response
to 'I love
you.'
---
Hallmark
would make 'Sorry, what was your name again?' cards.
---
When
your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a
little box in the corner of the screen during half-time.
---
Birth control would come in ale or lager.
---
Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes
of the football
team of your choice.
---
'Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last
night'would be
an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
---
At the end of
the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd
jump out yourwindow
and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into
your
car like Fred Flintstone.
---
It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends,
put on horned
helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.
---
Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for
violating the 'public
ugliness' ordinance.
---
Garbage would take itself out.
---
Instead of beer belly, you'd get 'beer biceps.'
---
Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it
would only
occur in leap years.
---
On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get
the day off
to go drinking.
---
St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the
same. But
it would be celebrated every month.
---
COPS would be broadcast live, and you could phone in
advice to
the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.
---
Two words: Ally McNaked.
---
Richard and Judy would be chained to a cement mixer
and pushed
off the
Golden
Gate
Bridge
for the most lucrative pay-per-viewevent
in world history.
---
Every
man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
---
When
a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would
actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop:'You know how fast you were going?' You:
'All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place.'Cop:'Nice one. That's
£10 off.'
---
Faucets
would run 'Hot,' 'Cold,' and '100 proof.'
---
Daisy
Duke shorts would never again go out of style.
---
Telephones
would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of
conversation.
