She caught me in her knicker drawer, I woulda run, but she blocked
the door. This awkward scenario I hadn't planned, Caught with her
knickers in my hand, And with a pair upon my head, Jumping up and down
on her bed. As she stood there, at the door, I saw her bottom jaw hit
the floor. Then she started to grind her teeth, Caught red-handed: a
knicker thief!
Now, the girl whose room I was in, Was a well built
sort, threw the javelin. And she didn't just do it for a bit of fun, She
was the county's number one. With little effort she could knock me out,
There really wasn't any doubt! Slowly and calmly she closed the door,
And prepared to knock me on the floor. As she approached to give me a
slap, I thought: 'Oh God, Oh Christ, Oh Crap!' There I was, wearing her
bra, I admit I looked a bit bizarre. I cowered down upon her bed,
Ready to be smacked in the head.
In desperation I said, "I'll
explain," "I couldn't help it, you drive me insane." Suddenly her raised
fist dropped, She slowed right down, then she stopped. In the position I
found myself in, I'd have to talk to save my skin. So I gave a grieving
confession, I told her I had a knicker obsession! And so to avoid such
grievious pain, I took off her bra and began to explain:
"Now please
don't give me a thick ear, But you happen to have a very nice rear. It
really is a lovely sight, But I haven't been staring at it ALL night.
I'll admit I had a few sneaky peeks, But that mini-skirt almost shows
your cheeks! and as it's white and a little see-through, Not many could
ignore such a fine view! And as for that pink g-string, That should be
illegal that thing! Being perfectly rounded and perfectly sized, Your
backside had me hypnotised. It didn't even take much beer, For me to
notice your lovely rear! I have to tell you love: you're blessed, As the
night went on I grew obsessed! Then I realised I HAD gone too far, But,
like a magnet, I was drawn to your bra! Now there really was little doubt,
The way you were dancing, they nearly popped out! It really is an
amazing thing, How that material holds 'em in. And that pinkish colour
looks really good, It clearly does the job it should! I know how they
can sometimes slide, And you girls have got your bits to hide. So,
staring at your bum and chest, You can tell, I got a bit obsessed! And
as you moved across the dance-floor, I felt a pulling from your knicker
drawer."
Now I know I hadn't done it quite right, But I'd kinda said
she looked nice tonight! To save myself what really mattered, Was for
her to feel somewhat flattered. A minute went by, nothing was said, I
took her knickers off my head. An ugly silence had got in the way, I
didn't know quite what to say. I clambered down from off her bed, And
said the first thing that popped in my head: "Fancy a game of hiding seek?"
"No I don't you bloody Freak!!"
Then she chucked a book at me,
She suddenly seemed quite angry. "Get out of my room, Get out of my
house! And give me my briefs, you dirty louse! I want to know with who
you came, And for starts you can give me your name!"
"O.K. sure, I'm
Alan Philpott, I came in with the Bracknell lot."
"Well, frankly
Alan, you're an absolute shit, And I'm telling everyone you're a perving
git! I know your twisted little game, I'll make sure everyone knows your
name! That way all the girls will make sure, You don't get your hands in
their knicker drawer!"
Not waiting to stay and be insulted, I jumped
out of the window, and quickly bolted. I wasn't going to wait around, To
have my head smashed on the ground! I ran away at terrific pace, Not
letting anyone see my face. My mates woulda been in for a shock, And I'd
have been a laughing stock. The girls would all have given me stick,
They'd call me pervy, weird and sick! That reputation could really hurt,
To have your name thought of as dirt. To be seen as a pervert would be a
real shame, I WOULDN'T have that slur on my name, If my names not Alan
Philpott,
