MAKING COFFEE

Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman.

It's got to be hot, you've got to take your time,

you've got to stir...gently, and firmly, you've got to grind
your beans until they squeak and then you

deposit your milk.

LAYING A CARPET

Laying a carpet is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.

You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her
down and walk all over her. If you're adventurous - like me -
you might like to try an underlay.

HANGING WALLPAPER

Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to
a beautiful woman.

Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the
table,cover her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean
your brush, light your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.

PUTTING UP A TENT

Putting up a tent, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.

You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole and slip into
the old bag.

WASHING A CAR

Washing a car, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
You've got to caress the bodywork, breathe softly and gently,
give every inch of it your loving attention and make sure
you've got a nice wet sponge.

BEING IN THERAPY

And yet having therapy is very much like making love to a
beautiful woman.

You get on the couch, string them along with some half-lie and
evasions,probe some deep dark holes, and then hand over all
your money.

BEING IN A CRASH

Going to the brink of death and back, in a nine car pile-up on
dual carriage way is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.

First of all brace yourself. Hold on tight - particularly if
it's a rear-ender and pray you make contact with her twin
airbags as soon as possible.

GOING FISHING

Of course as you know I'm a very keen fisherman myself. You
know I've often thought that going fishing was very much like
making love to a beautiful woman.

First of all, clean and inspect your tackle. Carefully pull
back your rod cover and remove any dirt or gunge that may have
built up whilst not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full
length and check that there are no kinks or any wear,
particularly at the base where the grip is usually applied.
Make sure you've got a decent float, the appropriate bait and
that there's plenty of shot in your bag.