'HU'S ON FIRST' By James Sherman

(We take you now to the Oval Office and the conversation between George Bush and Condi Rice.)

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi:  Hu.

George: The Chinaman!

Condi:  Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya' asking me for?

Condi:  I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi:  That's the man's name.

George: That's whose name?

Condi:  Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi:  Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi:  That's correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi:  Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi:  No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi:  Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi:  No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi:  Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi:  You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi:  You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N.

Condi:  Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi:  Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi:  And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi:  Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi:  Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi:  Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone. (Condi picks up the phone.)

Condi:  Rice, here.

George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?