Once there were 3 little pigs who lived together in mutual respect and in
harmony with their environment. Using materials that were indigenous to the area
they each built a beautiful house. One pig built a house of straw, one a house
of sticks, and one a house of dung, clay and creeper vines shaped into bricks
and baked in a small kiln.
When they were finished, the pigs were satisfied
with their work and settled back to live in peace and self-determination.
But their idyll was soon shattered. One day, along came a big, bad wolf with
expansionist ideas. He saw the pigs and grew very hungry in both a physical and
ideological sense. When the pigs saw the wolf, they ran into the house of straw.
The wolf ran up to the house and banged on the door, shouting, "Little pigs,
little pigs, let me in!" The pigs shouted back, "Your gunboat tactics hold no
fear for pigs defending their homes and culture."
But the wolf wasn't to be denied what he thought was his manifest destiny. So
he huffed and puffed and blew down the house of straw. The frightened pigs ran
to the house of sticks, with the wolf in hot pursuit. Where the house had stood,
other wolves bought up the land and started a banana plantation.
At the house of sticks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted,
"Little, pigs, little pigs, let me in!" The pigs shouted back, "Go to hell, you
carnivorous, imperialistic oppressor!"
At this the wolf huffed and puffed and blew down the house of sticks. The
pigs ran to the house of bricks, with the wolf close at their heels. Where the
house of sticks had stood, other wolves built a time-share condo resort complex
for vacationing wolves, with each unit a fibreglass reconstruction of the house
of sticks, as well as native curio shops, snorkelling and dolphin shows.
At the house of bricks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted,
"Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!" This time in response, the pigs sang
songs of solidarity and wrote letters of protest to the United Nations.
By now the wolf was getting angry at the pigs' refusal to see the situation
from the carnivore's point of view. So he huffed and puffed, and huffed and
puffed, then grabbed his chest and fell over dead from a massive heart attack
brought on from eating too many fatty foods.
The three little pigs rejoiced that justice had triumphed and did a little
dance around the corpse of the wolf. Their next step was to liberate their
homeland. They gathered together a band of other pigs who had been forced off
their lands.
This new brigade of porcinistas attacked the resort complex with machine-guns
and rocket launchers and slaughtered the cruel wolf oppressors, sending a clear
signal to the rest of the hemisphere not to meddle in their internal affairs.
Then the pigs set up a model socialist democracy with free education,
universal health care and affordable housing for everyone.