Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then
they jump on and let the plane coast until it crashes again, then they push
again jump on again, and so on.
Mac Airline
All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers,
and ticket agents look the same, act the same, and talk the same. Every time you
ask questions about details, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to
know, and would you please return to your seat and marvel at the image
quality of the in-flight movie.
OS/2 Airline
To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped ten
different times by standing in ten different lines. Then you fill our a form
showing where you want to sit and whether the plane should look and feel like an
ocean liner, a passenger train or a bus. If you succeed in getting on the plane
and the plane succeeds in taking off the ground, you have a wonderful
trip...except for the time when the rudder and flaps get frozen in position, in
which case you will just have time to say your prayers and get in crash
position.
Windows 95 Airline
The airport terminal is nice and colorful, with
friendly stewards and stewardesses, and easy access to the plane. After the
plane arrives, 6 months late, you have a completely uneventful takeoff... then,
once in the air the plane blows up without any warning whatsoever.
Windows NT Airline
All the passengers carry their seats out onto the tarmac, placing the chairs
in the outline of a plane. They all sit down, flap their arms and make jet
swooshing sounds as if they are really flying.
Windows XPAirline
The airplane is very pretty, and each passenger gets to choose their own
colour and pattern for the paintwork, and their own favourite engine
noise. Unfortunately the plane is so heavy and so slow that it is unable
to get airbourne,and crashes at the end of the runway. When parked in the
hanger, unresolved security bugs in the planes doors AND windows AND
luggage-bay AND engines AND wings AND body panels allow theives to break in and
steal all the seats.
Unix Airline
Each passenger brings a piece of the airplane and a box of
tools to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what
kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together. Eventually, they
build several different aircraft, but give them all the same name. Some
passengers actually reach their destinations. All passengers believe they got
there.
BEOS Airline
There is no airplane. The passengers gather and shout
for an airplane, then wait and wait and wait and wait. A bunch of people come,
each carrying one piece of the plane with them. These people all go out on the
runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing constantly about what
kind of plane they're building. The plane finally takes off, leaving the
passengers on the ground waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. After the
plane lands, the pilot telephones the passengers at the departing airport to
inform them that they have arrived.
Newton Airline
After buying your ticket 18 months in advance, you
finally get to board the plane. Upon boarding the plane you are asked your name.
After 46 times, the crew member recognizes your name and then you are allowed to
take your seat. As you are getting ready to take your seat, the steward
announces that you have to repeat the boarding process because they are out of
room and need to recount to make sure they can take more passengers.
VMS Airline
The passengers all gather in the hanger, watching hundreds
of technicians check the flight systems on this immense, luxury aircraft. This
plane has at least 10 engines and seats over 1,000 passengers. All the
passengers scramble aboard, as do the necessary complement of 200 technicians.
The pilot takes his place up in the glass cockpit. He guns the engines, only to
realise that the plane is too big to get through the hangar doors.
Linux Airline
Disgruntled employees of all the
other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes,
ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to
cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the
ticket yourself for free. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four
bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully
adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time
without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell
customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is,
"You had to do what with the seat?"
