For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California,
here is a copy of the California Driver's Exam, and for those of you who do,
study real hard. This is a new exam. Since driving conditions (and culture) are
unique in Los Angeles, you may not have realized that the California Department
of Motor Vehicles has now issued a special application and driver's test solely
for the Los Angeles Metropolitan Area.
Here it is below:
GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:
Name:______________ Stage name:
________________
Agent:______________ Attorney:__________________
Sex: ___male ___female ___formerly male ___formerly female
___both
If female, indicate breast implant size: ____
Will the size of
your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way?
Yes___ No ___
Please list brand of cell phone: ________.
If you don't own a
cell phone, please explain:________________________
Please check hair color:
Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum
Blonde
Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead
Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all
that
apply)
[ ] Eating
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Talking on the
phone
[ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment
to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[x] Snorting cocaine (already checked for ease of
application)
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety
[ ] Surfing the net
via laptop
Please indicate how many times:
a) you expect to shoot at other
drivers ____
b) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving
____
If you are the victim of a car jacking, you should
immediately:
a) Call the police to report the crime
b) Call Channel 4 News
to report the crime, then watch your car on the news in a high-speed chase
c)
Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for 911
call not going through
d) Call your therapist
e) None of the above (South
Central residents only)
In the event of an earthquake, should you:
a) stop your
car
b) keep driving and hope for the best
c) immediately use your cell
phone to call all loved ones
d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage
for Channel 4
In the instance of rain, you should:
a) decelerate by 5
mph
b) drive twice as fast as usual
c) you're not sure what "rain" is
Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ____.
Are
you presently taking any of the following medications?
a) Prozac
b)
Zovirax
c) Lithium
d) Zanax
e) Valium
f) Zoloft
If none, please
explain: __________________.
Length of daily commute:
a) 1 hour
b) 2 hours
c) 3
hours
d) 4 hours or more
When stopped by police, should you:
a) pull over and have your
driver's license and insurance form ready
b) try to outrun them by driving
the wrong way on the 405 Freeway
c) have your video camera ready and provoke
them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit.
