Starring: Vin Diesel

Cert: PG

Released:3^rd June 2005

Shane Wolfe (Diesel) is the top Navy Seal in the US military and has the admirable record of having never lost a man nor left one behind. Until his latest mission to rescue a kidnapped scientist who has developed some software called ‘Ghost’ that could cripple any nation’s missile defences.

            As a result of the failed mission, the scientist’s family become a potential target; the presumption being that the software must be in the house somewhere. His wife must leave the country to retrieve a Swiss deposit box so Wolfe is required to, well, babysit the five children.

I would have had second thoughts about going to see The Pacifier had I bothered to check the certificate or knew it was a Disney film. I thought given the star that it might be a 12a which would allow for some excessive violence and still allow it to be a family friendly film. Instead I was subjected to an excessively schmaltzy, predictable and brainless affair.

            That aside, Diesel was on comfortable territory playing the tough authoritarian in a house full of stereotypical dysfunctional children. There’s the teenage daughter with dodgy boyfriend who really just wants to be loved; the introverted, goth son who just wants to express himself; the young daughter who is grown up before her time; the troublesome toddler who gets into everything and the excreting baby who just excretes.

            Through each other they’re able to become better people.

            *Bleurgh*

            The performances are all credible yet unchallenging with only the grungy son providing the main humour focuses with a clash with his vice principle (Brad Garrett from Everybody Loves Raymond) and his secret extra curricular activities.

            The humour comes in the most obvious and overused places but it does have a fairly good Jackie Chan alike sequence where Diesel has to defend the house from invading Ninjas improvising with various objects around the nursery. There have been obvious comparisons to Kindergarten Cop but I feel it owes more thanks to The Sound Of Music with the taming of unruly kids (family Plummer, no less) than Schwarzenegger’s hard man in the nursery.

            Innocent, mushy, and heavy on the saccharine should appeal to lots of families out there but I prefer my kiddies’ fare with more intelligence.