The Matrix : Reloaded

Behind the Scenes inside Exclusive


In this special report we look behind the scenes at the new Matrix Reloaded film.

Sets & Locations

One of the largest scenes used in this film is the underground cave complex where the odd rave/disco scene takes place.  This is meant to be set in the last remaining human city (except Hull), but we have now discovered that this underground cave complex is infact the set of Fraggle Rock.  We have since learnt that prior to the start of filming the Fraggles, who had expressed artistic differences with the makers of this film, were rounded up and shot.  Their bodies are believed to have been buried in a shallow mass-grave, near the lighthouse.

The American Film Producers of the Matrix have since stated that the course of action taken against the Fraggles was entirely justified as they had evidence to suggest that the Fraggles had been developing weapons of mass destruction.  When pressed on the issue Colin Powell, who was makeup artist and hair stylist on the Matrix, said that he had a dossier of evidence against the Fraggles, including evidence that they had been selling depleated uranium to the Doozers.  Note- it is important that the term "Dossier of Evidence" was used in this context, as earlier attempts to convince the public using a "Factsheet of evidence" and a "Pamphlet of evidence" did not seem to have the same credibility.  This is however, the only context in which the term "Dossier" is appropriate, as giving your wife a Doissier listing required items to purchased from the supermarket (Carrotts, Persil, etc etc) is also considered inappropriate  use of the term.


The Sex Scene

The Witchatoutchskichitiski brothers thought that a sex scene would be a welcome introduction to this second Matrix film.  They were wrong, just as they were wrong when the agreed that they would allow the use of Propper-Nouns in their family games of scrabble.  The problem with this scene is that it takes place between two of the toughest combatants in the film, and as such appears out of place.  For example, while watching Transformers The Movie very few viewers thought "what this film needs right about now is for Optimus Prime to go down on Bumblebee, while the Decepticons dance the 70's disco moves to the BeeGees 'Staying Alive' on the set of Fraggle Rock". 

(Note, there was a 'specialist' edition of Transformers the Movie in which Metroplex (the one that transforms into a city) has sex with Ravage (the one that transforms in to Dog) but it was felt that this was rather too 'speciailist'.  And metroplex was under 16 at the time of filming. A copy of the tape was found at Megatrons flat in Norwich, and he must now remain listed on the Sex Offenders Register until his return to Cybertron. )



Anyone watching this film will have noticed the slight/medium/heavy overuse of a kind of pseudo-philosophy.  The character Morpheus is generally the worst offender for this.  Morpheus was considered an unusual casting for the part to begin with, but the little plasterscene man was out of contract after a disagreement with Tony Hart, and as such was available for this role.  However, it appears that every line this man speaks is an attempt to make some wise sagely philosophy.  We wonder how this man gets through his daily life, speaking in this silly way.  Luckily we managed to make a transcription of Morpheus' recent shopping trip to Tescos:

Cashier: Oh, these Ravioli are on 2 for 1 special offer.

Morpheus:  Yes, for I have seen the Ravioli and their centres are squidgy in all our souls.

Cashier: okay..... erm, that's £21.46 please.

Morpheus:  The 46 pence is not part of the reality that we truley experience.

Cashier:  Would you like cashback?

Morpheus: My belief system does not require me to believe that you believe that I need cashback.

Morpheus then hands the cashier his American Express card, in Bullet Time.  Which takes about 40 minutes. He pays for his shopping and leaves the shop.  He then unlocks the boot of his Mondeo in bullet time, taking a further 90 minutes.

Our conclusion is that this pseudo-philosophy, while it can be good in moderation, is overused in Matrix Reloaded.  With some things 'More is better' (e.g. Chocolate sauce on top of ice cream), whereas with other things more is not better (e.g. Race Hate, Sexually Transmitted Herpes and Barbara Streisand).



The Matrix is based on the premise that there is an artificial computer simulation, in which about 50% of human beings belive that they are actually living out their lives in what we consider to be the 'real world'.  The remaining 50% we suspect are just using the matrix to play Solitaire and Minesweeper while hoping their superviser is not looking over their shoulder.  These numbers do not include the 2% of humans who went blind, lost control of their bodily functions and had their left legs stuck permenantly in safe-mode from the knee down, while upgrading to MatrixXP.


Preview of Storyline for 3rd Matrix Film

We have exclusively discovered the storyline for the 3rd film.  In this 3rd and final part the Matrix is defeated by Neo when he crashes the Matrix by attempting to get it to print, he then leaves a floppy disk in the A: Drive so it cannot restart, and mankind is saved forever.


Special Effects

A specially constructed 2 mile highway was used for the car chase sequence, in which their car becomes riddles with about 500 bullet holes.  Brixton was ruled out as a filming location, as although the same effect can be achieved, it only takes 1 mile for the 500 bullet holes to be achieved, leaving insufficient time for the directors to overuse characters in too much leather, and sunglasses.



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